analysis.

"inside out and twisted. and ripped.
and re-sewn in odd directions.
and it's too complicated to figure out,
so i take the easy way and
poke my head out of a hole.
but i'm still tangled."

that's exactly where i am right now.
ripped and battered and torn and bruised.
everything is healing slowly and i want speed.
but i can't have speed.
trying to get speed will only slow down the process.
but i'm stubborn, andi try anyway.
this only causes retrogression.
i'm contradicting myself.
i'm always contradicting myself nowadays.
yes, no, maybe, if i can, am i able?
what am i even cabable of now?
i feel like i've lost any self i had gained.
yet, i feel like i gained more.
everything is off-balance and i'm too weak to fix it.
i need new advice.
from someone who doesn't know everything.
i need new people.
new everything.